I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
