You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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