Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
