she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
