we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
