i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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