drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
