i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
