I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
