i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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