OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
