your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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