I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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