wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize