i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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