Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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