and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
