May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
