I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
