Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
