Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize