Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont even know how to be here
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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