I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
