I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
