Christians are straight up FREAKS
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
