She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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