he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
