Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
