Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
