I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
