It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
