1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
