I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize