You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
