My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize