Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need water and some morals
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
