there's paper in my vomit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
