i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
