Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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