can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
