Your face is a jimmy john
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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