I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
