That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
