He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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