I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
