I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
