i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
