therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
