Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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