Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
