ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
