i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He keeps bees of course he's weird
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
