quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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