my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
