benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
