she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
