Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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