you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He passed out mid-signature
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
