Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize