My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
