i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
