Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Pooping to opera.
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