so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
