Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
