She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
