we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i came on her dog
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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