I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
