Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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