just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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