escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
