and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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