also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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