are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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