Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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