i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
