I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize