Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
