my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
