Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
