Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
