I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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