you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
