I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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