Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
