She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize