how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
